Good Girl, Bad Girl Drama

I have been to 2 sessions since I last wrote. I expected to have lost at least 10 pounds by now. I might have lost 5, but since I am not using a scale I don't know. If you are trying to lose weight and 4 weeks have gone by and you have lost maybe 5 pounds you would be really upset right? Am I upset. No. Let me tell you why.

What I have noticed is feeling lighter in a total different way. I feel a great deal of guilt and responsibility taken off my shoulders. I never realized before how much anxiety I had every single time I got ready to eat. I was going through this vicious cycle of good girl, bad girl. If I managed to eat "diet" foods, then I was a good girl if I ate fattening foods then I was a bad girl. If I stopped before I over ate then I was a good girl, if I ate till I was stuffed then I was a bad girl. Every single day, the good girl, bad girl drama happened. I was either happy with myself or disappointed with myself. How in the world did I have time to do anything else throughout the day, but that?

I am eating very slowly now, which lets me know when I am full. I am not even trying it just happens. What I could not do consciously, I am able to do subconsciously. Just like driving a car, you just do it without much thought and that is what I am doing now with eating. No wonder I feel so much lighter.

So this morning, I know I won't overeat. The freedom from that makes me feel lighter. I know that the weight will come off. I am eating half as much as I was eating before, so it has to. Knowing that as a fact, frees me from the weight of dieting.

I don't think it's the dieting that you eventually stop, it's the responsibility of doing the dieting that you give up on. I do not have that responsibility now, so I have nothing to rebel against, nothing to fail. Wouldn't that make you feel lighter?