Who am I, who is she and new cravings

I thought I would start by telling you little bit about Sheba and a little bit about me. Sheba is 60 and sole-handedly made her own destination. She has kids and grandkids but no mention of a husband. She is average looking but not so average in smarts and is kind. She hasn't figured out yet that I am several steps ahead of her and may know as much as she does about psychotherapy.

I am 54 years old. I have lived a hard life by my own choosing sometimes. I never gave up though and my kids are what keeps me going. I have managed to amass a little money and a following from writing on the internet. The internet is my salvation, my hobby and a fascination for me. I have finally found my niche in life and subsequently life has come pretty easy for me, but I haven't been able to make it work for my weight. That's why I wonder if what I said yesterday, that by being fat, I can beat up myself, may be the core issue. I still don't know yet.

You are probably wondering how my first day has been. I was busy on the Internet and I finally took a break around 9:30 and had some Kashi. I always feel so healthy when I eat it. As I was pouring the cereal I heard Sheba tell me, "you will take smaller helpings...." It was almost spooky, but I obliged and didn't pour in as much as usual. I headed back to the computer and started shoveling it in and then I heard in my head, "you will eat slowly, slowly." Yep, Sheba, again. I took a break during lunch, cleaned up the house a bit and thought about eating, but didn't know what to eat. Before I knew it was time to go pick up the kids from school. I carpool in the afternoons. On my way to the school on a road I have driven on for the past 3 years, I saw the sign for strawberries for Victoria's Garden and my mouth started to salivate. Strawberries, I got to have some strawberries. I could smell them and see them and I picture a little whip cream on them and I was actually trying to figure out if I had time to get them, before picking up the kids. Then it struck me. I don't like strawberries, what is going on here. I mean they are okay, but I wouldn't go out and buy a basket of them.

Later at home, I waited for my husband to come home and tried to figure out what to cook for dinner. I touched the refrigerator door and I could hear Sheba's voice again, "you want healthy nutritious foods, and I spotted the packaged ears of corn, that been sitting in there for 3 weeks and I wanted them desperately. I wanted salad, too, but it was 4 weeks old and frozen and needed to be thrown out. I mourned the loss and threw it in the trash. What the heck! This was getting weirder and weirder.

is this what hypnotism is all about. You now have a conscience on your shoulder that tells you what to do?

Tonight I will listen to the tape again and start tomorrow.