No Safe Place

I went to my first group meeting last night. As soon as I got there Sheba told me that she had emailed the people in Spain and they called back and they will be coming to our town to train Sheba in their visual and hypnotherapy work. She was excited. I was not surprised. I mean things happen like this for me all the time, so I don't get excited, but I had enough sense to know that it did not happen to her all the time and then perked up and acted excited for her. Which was true, I was excited for her.

Everyone started coming in, so I sat down in one of the chairs and waited for everything to begin. I put the ear phones in and Sheba dimmed the lights. I tried to control my fidgeting because I didn't want to disturb everyone else. It seemed so funny to me that I was coming her to sleep for 30 minutes. I listened to Sheba's calm voice and after about 5 minutes, I quit scratching myself and started to relax. I knew where I was but I was calm, then I heard Sheba say something about going to my safe place. My face contorted, and my insides screamed, there is no safe place. In my mind, I saw myself running around in circles searching for that safe place, all the time muttering to myself, "where do I go, there's no place to go, I have no safe place." I wanted to jump up and find Sheba and ask her, "What do I do, there is no safe place." I managed to calm myself and pushed the thought out of my mind. I actually began to doze off for a few minutes when I heard a loud boom. I don't know if there actually was one or not, but it startled me awake. I calmed myself down again and it was over.

Afterwards, I asked Sheba if she had time to talk to me. First I wanted to know about the exercise and water. She told me that I would start doing the easy stuff first and the rest would follow. Funny that I chose eating slower and eating veggies and fruit, easier than drinking water. Then I told her what happened to me. She found it very interesting and said that I might have found the key. She told me to make sure I was in a safe place whenever I ate. Funny thing I always thought I felt safe, although I knew whenever I was alone at home, if the doorbell rang or unusual noise outside, I was in a panic trying to figure out what to do about it. It made even more sense why I have German Shepherd dog

But, finding a safe place to eat, is going to be hard, because right now there is no such thing.