I've never been to Spain...but I really like the music

Today was my first day of hypnotism...being hypnotized. Hyp.....no.....tized. Strange, strange word. I had a 90 minute meeting with the therapist. That's a long time. She wanted to ask me questions, try to figure out what she could say to help me stop eating.

Earlier that day, I had to go to the dentist. I was a nervous wreck. How many times have I gone over the last several months? Probably equal to how many times I have gone my whole life time. So, anyway, there I was, a nervous wreck, at the dentist and I was staring at an old copy of People when it dawned on me. I think I am fat because it lets me beat up on myself.

The day before the therapist...I need to give her a name...the therapist will get to me after awhile. How about, hmmm can't come up with anything right now, I'll come back to it later. So, the therapist said to me, you got to quit beating up on yourself. My dad would say that to me all the time. I actually think my dad taught me how to do it because he criticizing me, so much, but I am not so clear on that right now.

So, here I am at the therapist....still got to come up with a name....and I told her the story I just told you. She didn't negate it and she didn't validate it either. Totally refreshing approach.

Let me jump to the hypnotizing part. The lights were low and I sat on a chair and she started to talk to me. Sheba! I like that name. We will call her Sheba. I had a headset on, and lights over my eyes and I could hear her voice talking to me through the headphones.

It was a very soothing voice and there was rain or a waterfall in the background, I don't know which one, and birds. I like birds. Before we started we talking about some stuff from my past and just like picking a scab it was bleeding a little bit, so I was super sensitive and nervous. I also, didn't know what to expect, too, so that added to it. I found it hard to listen and sit quiet. Almost at the end, when she was telling me to go down the stairs, I felt weird, like I was watching myself go down them and it was actually happening, but right now I can't remember what I was suppose to be doing while I was going down the stairs.

At the end, she told me to wake up, and I told her that I was having trouble staying on track and that my mind would wander while she was talking. She didn't seem surprised nor told me to correct it. That was nice.

Now the part you are probably wondering about. Did I eat less? That evening, I still felt a little raw inside and if you have done any kind of 12 step program (Hi, Bill W.) then you know what I mean. I picked up my son from school and had a snack with him. I decided to have a coke and cracker and cheese. Later around 6:00 my son brought up dinner for the second time and though I didn't want to mess with it, I couldn't let him starve. I had to go to the store anyway and decided to stop at a fast food joint on the way home. We drove through and I normally would have ordered, just because we were driving through, but I wasn't really interested, until I saw they had a new item called a Seadog. The name got me and I had to have it.

We came home and ate and I ate some of my son's french fries along with my Seadog. Then I got some Zingers. 3 of them and a glass of milk, my usual dessert. I ate two of them and didn't want anymore.

To sum it up, I didn't order french fries or a big hamburger, but had a Seadog and some of my son's french fries, instead. I had 2 Zingers instead of 3 and I am heading to bed and have no desire to go get food before I do.

I will watch watch King of the Hill, and then afterwards I will fall asleep to the CD that Sheba recorded for me. It is a recording of what she said to me in her office today.

Day 1 complete. Oh, yeah, Sheba also put a suggestion that my stomach has shrunk, just like if I had gastric bypass surgery. I had showed her the article and she thought it was clever. I think she was as curious as I, to see if it would help and what the results would be.

Hypnotize me thin

I had read in the Enquirer about a woman that had lost 50 pounds because she had an imaginary operation. Through hypnosis she was told that she had gotten gastric bypass surgery. She was told under hypnosis that she was being wheeled in to the operating room and being put under anesthesia.

When I read this, I just knew that this was the thing for me. I went to the website gmband.com and read more and then realized they were in Spain. I would have to fly to Spain in order to do this. I thought I have no choice, I have to go to Spain. I am so sure that this is going to work for me and so sure that it would save my life.

You see, one of my gums got an abscess. My teeth are rotting away above the gum line. It just snuck up on me. I had not gone to a dentist in 20 years and they had been decaying. I was feeling awful about it because I was worried that a heart attack would sneak up on me.

Then I remembered that there was people that get hypnotized to stop smoking, maybe they do that for eating. I found a place, called and have an appointment tomorrow. I am so sure that this is going to work that I did not hesitate. I did not care about the price, I had to do this to save my life.

I am going to chronicalize what happens to me as I take this journey. I want to give others hope.

I guess I should start by putting a picture of myself, but I can't do that right now, so I am going to put up a drawing that my son did of me. Later on I will put a picture up but I will need at least a couple of months before I will be able to post it. In the meantime, I will tell you how I am doing. The other thing I don't think I can get on a scale either. I honestly think that I will become so down about it that I would not do me any good and probably would set me back a could of months. All will be revealed, though.

My goal is not just the weight, it is also to get off the CPAP machine that I have had for 15 years. 15 years. I can't believe I have been on it that long. I don't hate it, it saved my life, but I want to be free from it. No more getting wrapped up in the hose as I sleep, no more worrying about taking it with me on trips.

Every single waking moment I am reminded of my fatness. Either by trying to tie my shoes, to wiggling into my parachute size underwear to avoiding exercise and people. I want to be just like everybody else. I don't need to be sexy or thin, just normal.